missing out

... on the real things

Flittering and fluttering from one thing to the next - all day.
Noticing the great weather only in between.
Thinking "When I'm done with this task x, I'll spend some time in the sunshine and wind."
When you're eventually done with this task x, you realize there was something you had planned to do.
But you can't remember what it was.
So you go on to doing the next thing.
And by and large you miss out on the great weather.

And thus, by and large miss out on the real things, in general.

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

friday wisdom blogging

... "The truth is

that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

- M. Scott Peck -

"may our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers"

sorry to myself

... "For hearing all my doubts so selectively and

For continuing my numbing love endlessly
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over-functioning

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For my self-love being so embarassingly conditinal
For denying myself to somehow make us compatible
For trying to fit a rectangle into a hole

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me
I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
For my impatience when I was perfect where I was
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready
For expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be

To whom do I owe the first apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me And
I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would've naturally loved the former

For ignoring you: my highest voices
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious
For being so disassociated from my body
For not letting go when it would have been the kindest thing

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me
I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else"


- alanis morissette -

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

friday wisdom blogging

... "We must learn to reawaken

and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn."

- Henry David Thoreau -

"may our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers"

some days, some people

... are nonviable in the outside world

Me, for example.
Today was such a day, and today I was such a person.

Everything was alright as long as I stayed indoors. I had coffee with Robert, waved a fond goodbye to him, checked my e-mails, ate something, searched for 2 very important letters that had gone astray (but didn't find them, of course), and decided to go to my bank.
Going to my bank was necessary because of my lack of viability in the outside world.
I've forgotten my PIN...
(You know how easily I forget things - my PIN, obviously, is one of those)
"Never mind!", I thought to myself. Just go to your bank and tell the clerk that you, as a person aged mid-twenty, have forgotten your PIN, just like any Eighty year old with Alzheimer's would do...
Nevertheless, I went there, described my case to them, and was told to hand in my cash card. Which, of course, I did. Unfortunately, I was told that, as I had two days ago failed 3 times to key in my correct PIN (which is extremely easy when you've forgotten the right numbers!), I would be sent everything new by mail. Next week.
My cash card was chopped in front of my very eyes and I, hardly believing the impassive manner of the clerk, just so managed to withdraw some money, before being send home with a nod and a smile.
Should I mention that, somewhere between the cashier's desk and home, I lost the money I had withdrawn?
(Though, I don't remember the clerk actually giving the money to me. Which, as you and I know, does not necessarily mean, he didn't give it to me...)

Bloody hell! How stupid can 1 person be???

Now I have little money to speak of, no cash card, and another PLUS is: I can't transfer any money because for my bank I am some form of a persona non grata as long as I don't have a cash card.

I should have just stayed inside! I should have called my bank because of the PIN. I should have paid attention to what I did with the money.

Maybe that's something I should realize in general: Pay More Attention.
Or just stay indoors.

So far:

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

insomniac's lyrics

... sleep is soo overrated

"almost home we get lost on our new street, and your grieving girls all died in their sleep" "bury me in honour, when i'm dead and hit the ground a love back home unfolds" "sometimes is never quite enough" "i'll be sticking right there with it, i'll be by your side, sailing like a silver bullet, hit 'em 'tween the eyes, through the smoke and rising water cross the great divide, baby till it feels alright" "maybe we don't want to live in a world where innocence is so short" "do what you want, i don't care, tonight i'm in the hands of fate" "it's been a long way coming and long will it last when it's last day leaving" "i'll take everything in this life, i'll join everyone when i die" "nothing and everything, all at once" "the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone" "oh these little earthquakes, doesn't take much to rip us into pieces" "i'm sorry that you've turned to driftwood but you've been drifting for a long long time"

"from all of us here, we wish you a good night of sleep, and God bless you, my friend"

friday wisdom blogging

... "We don't see things as they are,

we see them as we are."

- Anais Nin -

"may our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers"

what i learned

... in the last few days

You can have a great time with people you know quite well, and each time discover something new that you like about them.
You can have a great time with people you just met half an hour ago, and be able to let them go at the end of the evening, knowing that there will be somebody else to have a great time with on another day.
You can have a great time with people you haven't seen in a long time, and discover a so far unknown side of them.

You can have a great time with everything when you give yourself up to the moment.

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

i will celebrate and i will guide them

... rehearsal Saturday and my second time

This weekend was rehearsal Saturday. A good part of the choir met at a local community centre in order to spend the next 7 to 8 hours learning new songs. Rehearsal Saturday is always fun and especially the food and the lunch break (as well as the coffee break) is what people look forward to. Our conductor in particular advises everybody 2 weeks in advance to bring along some delicious dishes to rehearsal Saturday but then only eats about 1 small plate of one of the dishes... Strange.
Usually, rehearsal Saurday also means a small number of games being played, so as to get acquainted - the new singers to the old ones, and vice versa. As at least one of those games tends to be played without shoes on, I even reminded Robert to wear clean and undamaged socks! But no Lena appeared, S. came about 2 hours late, and no games where played. Bummer! =(
Nevertheless, it was a good day, especially, as we rehearsed one song that was completely new to the choir and I am sure will sound wonderful in the end! I will celebrate!

Monday meant my second time as a guide - and two tours instead of just one. The first one was not as much fun as I had hoped it would be. For some reason, the tourists seemed to not really respond to what I told them. And it is really hard to find out wether you are doing a good job if nobody reacts to you! Serendipitously (what a word! =D ), there was a second, and different, tour on that day - and this time I was not a guide but a host, so that some time in the future I would be able to and allowed to guide that tour as well. It was a huge (and slightly unpleasant) surprise to me, when the actual guide asked me to take over some parts of guiding because she wasn't feeling very well. I did my best, and as the guests knew I was still learning, they received my efforts well.
This second tour was 2 hours longer than the tours I had done so far and I must admit, after 7 hours of guiding, of organizing and keeping track of things and persons, of being present and available, I was knackered! I went to bed early (by my standards) and though I had planned to listen to some music so as to get properly sleepy, I fell asleep as soon as I lay in bed.

Wednesday (tomorrow!) will be my next tour... Keep your fingers crossed ( - might be easier than "daumen druecken", concerning eating and writing ;) - ) and wish me luck.

for now

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

friday wisdom blogging

... "People spend a lifetime

searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is, the only place they ever needed to search was: within."

- Ramona L. anderson -

"may our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers"

my first time

... as a guide

On Tuesday, I assumed my new job as a guide for cruise ship tourists.
I had been nervous for the last fortnight, had slept badly, falling asleep with thoughts of how to say things, dreaming of tours I took with faceless tourists, and always afraid I would do something wrong.
By Monday evening I was a nervous wreck.
Edgy, moody and bad-tempered - and poor Robert had to put up with it.
Tuesday morning however, I had to face it. And it went really well =)
As clouds and occasional rain are a bit daunting to cruise ship tourists, I only had to manage a group of 20 plus middle-aged people who were well aware of the weather conditions, and well prepared for it.
I followed the route, told them what I had planned to say, occasionally saying more in order to temporize (we had taken-off a good 10 minutes early and I had to "deliver" them at a certain place at a fixed time, so I had to keep them entertained), and generally had a great time. "My group" was good-humoured, interested and very nice. They enjoyed the tour, and so did I.
And I was really taken aback when I bid them farewell at the ship and was not only tipped but also hugged by some of the guests!
It was a great day. Hopefully, my next tour will be just as enjoyable.
Wish me luck next Monday!


(P.S.: And for all of you who wondered, what my final decision was, last Sunday (sleep & cuddle with Robert, or stay awake and do some work) - I got into bed and cuddled. Truth be told, it was not so tough a choice ;)

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

music stick

... found at Tiefsee Tagebuch, thrown to Pixelamazone's Bimbellotterie

Carefull, it's a loooong one!

Name a song... (Nenne einen Song...)
that makes you sad (...der Dich traurig macht)
Sigur Rós - Untitled 1
that makes you cry (...bei dem Du weinen musst)
Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again
that makes you happy (...der Dich glücklich macht)
Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard - Now We Are Free
that immediately puts you in high spirits
(...bei dem Du sofort gute Laune kriegst)
The Proclaimers - 500 Miles
that makes you want to move along to it
(...bei dem Du nicht still sitzen kannst)
Koop - Come to Me
that you think is too short (...der Deiner Meinung nach zu kurz ist)
Iron and Wine - Naked As We Came
that means something to you (...der Dir etwas bedeutet)
The Fray - How To Save A Life
that you could listen to non-stop (...den Du ununterbrochen hören könntest)
Billy Boyd - Edge of Night
that you love (...den Du liebst)
So many. Too many to find and list them all.
that you own but do not like (...den Du besitzt, aber nicht magst)
Alanis Morissette - An Emotion Away
that has lyrics which apply to you (...dessen Text auf Dich zutrifft)
Alanis Morissette - Would Not Come
that belongs to a soundtrack (...von einem Soundtrack)
Counting Crows - Colourblind
(Cruel Intentions OST)
that you have already listened to Live (...den Du schon live gehört hast)
Alanis Morissette - 21 Things I Want In A Lover
that is not in English or German (...der nicht auf englisch oder deutsch ist)
Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un M'a Dit
that is sung by a woman (...der von einer Frau gesungen wird)
Tori Amos - Silent All These Years
that was made by a solo artist (...eines Solokünstlers)
Badly Drawn Boy - A Minor Incident
that is from your favourite band (...Deiner Lieblingsband)
Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost
that is from your earliest childhood days (...aus Deiner frühesten Kindheit)
"Wer will fleißige Handwerker sehen?"
that you identify with (...mit dem Du Dich identifizierst)
Among many, many others:
Alanis Morissette - Incomplete
that you would sing to your heart-throb
(...den Du Deinem Schwarm vorsingen würdest)
Thomas D. - Liebesbrief
that is good for kissing and cuddling (...zum Küssen und Kuscheln)
Jorja Fox - Under 41
that reminds you of your last heartsickness
(...der Dich an Deinen letzten Liebeskummer erinnert)
There is no song that I connect to heartsickness. None in particular.
that is about sex (...der von Sex handelt)
Keith Caputo - Upsy Daisy
that reminds you of a vacation (...der Dich an einen Urlaub erinnert)
Herbert Grönemeyer - Halt Mich
that you think is embarassing you like it
(...der Dir peinlich ist, dass du ihn gut findest)
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
that you like to listen to when getting up
(...den Du gern beim Aufstehen hörst)
Kristofer Astrom - How Can You Live With Yourself
that you like to listen to when falling asleep
(...den Du gern zum Einschlafen hörst)
David Gray - From Here You Can Almost See The Sea
that you like to listen to whilst driving a car
(...den Du gern beim Autofahren hörst)
Air - All I Need
that has already helped you in a situation
(...der Dir schonmal in einer Situation geholfen hat)
Alanis Morissette - That I Would Be Good
(way more than 1 siuation)
that annoys you (...der Dich nervt)
Actually, any song could annoy me after a while. There is none in particular at the moment.
that makes you furious (...der Dich rasend macht)
I have now spent one week trying to think of a song that makes me furious but could not think of one. I am sure there are some! I just can't think of one of them...
that you learned to love through a friend
(...den Du von einem/r Freund/in lieben gelernt hast)
Rosenstolz - Laut
(Antje)
that you are listening to right now (...den Du gerade hörst)
Coldplay - Fix You
that is by a band that no longer exists (...einer Band, die es nicht mehr gibt)
4 Non Blonds - What's Up

Phew! What a job!
Hope, you all enjoy this list =)

for now

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

"you said we would stay awake!"

... "and you took me seriously???"

A conversation between Robert and myself, about 20 minutes ago.
Yep, it's 5 a.m. and, yep, we're still up and awake.
Dawn has come and I probably could watch the sun rise in about half an hour.
Robert however, has just decided to go to bed, and now I have to decide if I should stay awake on my own - not that I haven't done that before, the question is, whether I want to today - or go to bed, too - risking that I might not be able to fall asleep or might wake up at half past 11 (by alarm clock, of course) and feel totally knocked out.
If I stay awake I could do some research for my first guide tour on Tuesday and tinker with the flyer and poster for the concert. If I go to bed I could cuddle with Robert.
Tough choice.

I shall let you know how I decided.

for now

"from all of us here, we wish you a happy painting, and God bless you, my friend"

friday wisdom blogging

... "We must learn to reawaken

and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn."

- Henry David Thoreau -

"may our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers"